


A Promise Made

by Iamama23



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: First Fenders fanfic, For a Friend, Letter, M/M, One shot that might turn into a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 02:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10504845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamama23/pseuds/Iamama23
Summary: This is my first attempt at a Fenders fanfic. It's intended to be read as a letter that wasn't sent.





	

Ten years. It took you 10 years to prove me right. I always told you that you weren't strong enough to resist the demon inside you. Here's the thing I didn't say: I didn't mean it. I was harder on you, because I believed you were stronger than that. But you weren't. You let Justice take over. And now? Where does that leave us? I had hoped you would prove that I could trust you. That you weren't like all the mages I've ever known. The ones who have destroyed without a second thought. Which is not the man I thought you to be.  
When I first met you, I wanted to hate you. You were a mage. I didn't need to know more. But then we got shoved together, helping Hawke on numerous quests. And your true side came out. Or what I like to believe is your true side. The helper, the generous man, the caring healer. Every quality that endeared you to me. Too often I found myself falling asleep thinking of you. Of how you would casually drop your last copper to the homeless person in Darktown. Of the many refugees you brought into your clinic, and wouldn't charge them for the healing. There was the time I caught you crying because you couldn't save the little boy. All of these instances should have made me nicer to you. At least that is what Hawke always told me. That I needed to cut you some slack. But I couldn't. The nights I'd fall asleep with your name in my thoughts, or after Hawke's 'gentle' reminders, I'd wake up even angrier. I couldn't be falling for a mage. You would just hurt me.  
This is what I told myself every day. And yet, I would jump at the chance to join Hawke if you went with. "Headed to Sundermount to talk to Merrill's clan, you coming?" "Need to erase some slavers on the Wounded Coast, you in?" Each time I'd ask who was coming along. I'd grouse, loudly, when the answer was you. But I never said no. If the trip didn't require a healer, well then I wasn't needed either. I've always wondered if Varric knew the truth. The looks he'd give me when I agreed or declined; well you know the dwarf. It's hard to say if he did, he's got a good game face.  
Speaking of games. Remember that time we all met at the Hanged Man for a game of Wicked Grace? I grumbled so loudly when I was 'forced' to sit next to you and Isabela. She is too flirty for my taste, but she made a good excuse for why I was practically sitting in your lap. Every time she would scoot closer to me, I'd slide closer to you. Our thighs touching was more comforting to me than I'd like to admit. But the surprising part was how you just sat there. Sure, you glared at me, but you didn't attempt to move away. Not even when our arms rubbed up against each other. You stayed right there. I've always wondered why. Varric was sitting on your other side. I'm sure he wouldn't have minded if you moved closer to him to get away from the horrible warrior elf. There's so much I've wanted to say to you since that day. I just couldn't find the words. I'm thankful Hawke was patient enough to teach me my letters, so I could write this to you. But the words in my head, no in my heart, won't transfer to the parchment. I still want to hate you, you know. All of those people. Dead. So you could send your message. Elthina didn't act the way you wanted her to, and you made a sacrifice. You took her life. I know I told Hawke to let you die, but my heart hurt with those words. I didn't want you dead.  
Now it is as though you had died. Hawke had spared your life, sent you on your way. Yet you came back, to help us fight with the mages. I was so happy to see you standing there, I nearly rushed to your side and kissed you. I often wonder what you would have done if I had. Would you have kissed me back? Pressed those soft lips to mine and let our mouths say what we couldn't speak? Or would you have pushed me away? Expressed your disgust on that perfect face? I was a chicken and let the moment fade away too quickly. And now you're gone.  
No! I refuse to accept accept this! I vow, here and now, that I will find you. I will not stop searching until I do. And I will tell you what I should have said so long ago. I don't care if you push me away and say you never want to see me. That you don't feel the same. I love you, Anders. And I won't give up until I hear those words repeated back to me.


End file.
